11 March 2004
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still in my pjs, ah, the life of a disgruntled grad student who does little work at the moment.
no, not little work. little research. in terms of things i actually do... bedroom had to be cleaned up. bathroom MAY be next. we had to watch angel last night. which kept us up. which did not allow us to get up at a decent time this morning. but we just HAD to watch it. *oy*
this is starting to frustrate me. i work and work and work for 4 years, take my exams, and then crash. slump. the year i am supposed to do research i go all apathetic.
i come here. have several existential crises (i think). i'm depressed for a while. i pull myself out of that. i go see holistic doctors who are all about calming stress. so things like that are functioning. i change my thesis topic. i tell my dad after 1 month. still haven't talked about it, because i'm so nervous. i want approval. can i get approval like this?
*oy*
i'm actually doing ok. i think i can write a decent dissertation. after all, it is only a hurdle. will it ever be a book? will i ever get a job? who knows. sometimes i think: who cares. i know what makes me happy. which is *not* work. let that just be known. if work *bores* me, that is one thing. but i don't need work to keep me happy.
anywho, enough of that for this morning. shower time. then work time. i guess. also episodes of angel to watch (box sets = bad).
*hugs*
dandlioneyes at 11:15 am