17 November 2002
reflections on my lovely california
I really had a wonderful dream, a weird wonderful dream.
I auditioned (infront of a TV monitor) for a part in a movie, and got it. It was with cool people, something like 348$ a day (very specific), the character was to have my name, and it was going to be in Portola Valley, California (Peninsula, near Los Altos Hills, I looked it up)...
I realized: when I'm not in CA, I miss it like mad.
When I'm there, I think I can do without it. I miss it. A lot. I like the people better than out east. I like my self confidence more when I'm out there. Out there people ask me for a casual relationship (previous entry, oh, june something like that) - if I could spare one, which, of course, I couldn't and wouldn't. Out there, even the rain makes me happy. Here, it feels like its going to freeze.
I've been happier in Philly, but I love the West Coast more than anything. I like the big sky and the water - oh, the water - and the fog, and I like burnt out and brown hills by may, and February all the plants and flowers are already green and showing themselves. I like the California, San Francisco version of cold, very chilly, but somehow more gratifying than the biting cold out here.
If I don't get money for my research, I'll withdraw and move back to CA and get a job. I'd like that, too.
dandlioneyes at 9:43 am