27 April 2004
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existential crisis.
well, no, not really. but hey: drama is always good, right? no. no news is always good news, as far as i can tell.
enough of the mystery, what am i waffling on about? again, not very much, actually. i was in the kitchen doing dishes today, and thought: where the hell am i going with my dissertation? as in: what the hell am i doing? what the hell will i do in 2 years? as in: where will my honey and i be in 2 years? next year: california. the year after? who knows.
therefore: existential crisis.
we have no security right now, and that makes me nervous.
i mean, we have our educations, and that is nothing to scoff at, but that is no guarantee. and that just is making me anxious. la la la la la anxious.
that, and i keep on walking by baby stores and baby clothing stores and looking at the little outfits longingly. i swear i want to buy some while i am here, just because they are so dang cute! ah yes, the mommy instict, the: i see so many strollers and babies around that i totally, totally, totally can't wait to start a family. and le ph.d. is there, wagging its big fat head saying: research me, write me, research me, write me, having babies is for later. BLEH.
ok, so, obviously: funky mood. i am in a funky funky funky mood. a) i want security (which i keep on spelling secuirty, which looks like squirty to me). b) i want to start a family. c) i want to watch movies (that sounds banal as compared to the rest, but what it really means is: i want to relax and be carefree and not worry so damn much!).
later g8rs!
dandlioneyes at 8:14 pm