06 May 2004
part 1: wide-eyed and bushy-tailed
harri3tspy wrote a very interesting and open entry about her experiences in grad school, and the perennial question: what happens afterwards? what happens when we get kicked out of that womb? we hate being there, but can we stand to leave?
i thought i'd write my own little trials and tribulations, irrungen and wirrungen, of grad school entry.
in installments. since the archives call and i am already later than i want to be.
lets call this part 1: in which dandlioneyes moves east to go to gradschool
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once upon a time there was an anthropology major at a fantastic public university known for being super liberal in the bay area. she had started off doing archaeology (indiana jones, eat your heart out), loved archeology, but quickly became disillusioned by the fact that theory and practice did not mix; they frequently clashed, in fact, and this did not make her happy. an obsessive advisor didn't help who introduced her as "the next star of east asian archeology" to faculty. did.not.help.made.me.feel.claustrophobic.
so i took a class in what it is i am doing now - still in the same anthro major - and loved it. because of a very charismatic, charming, outrageous and energetic professor who was good at making me feel confident but at the other time also doling out a good amount of advice and, well, academic guidance. so on his advice and behest, our little dandlioneyes applied for grad school - in part because she didn't know what else to do, in part because her parental units were both academics and she had grown up with them loving/hating it, had grown up with long summers with her parents, conference trips, and all the positive things.
our heroine then gets into several grad schools, with a funding package for 4 years at a very good, slightly snobbish, east coast private school. in a grimy, dingy city we shall call filthadelphia, aka philadumpia. which she actually grew to like quite a it, but that shall come later.
gentle readers, our dandlioneyes moves east. to west philadelphia (where the fresh prince moved away from to go to california). and started grad school at said university. her cohort was great; meanwhile, only 3 of 6 remain, the other 3 have left, dropped out, or gone otherwise a.w.o.l. her classes were alright. she realized she was a smaller fish in a big pond than she had thought, but that she could swim well with the others and actually do well in grad school (note to non-grad-schoolers: if you get anything below an A- it usually means they think you are a dumb-ass, so yes, grade-inflation, but also: grades reflect whether or not they think you are gradschool material). dandlioneyes still developed some unhealthy patterns this first year, which included a) panicking because of high levels of stress, and b) panicking because of high levels of stress and c) only doing school work. this stress was compounded by a mega-first-year-exam, the PhD qualifying exam, and the fact that her then boyfriend (later fiance now husband) had stayed in sunnier climes to pursue a PhD at a private westcoast school also known as the farm.... it was not an easier year for our little dandlioneyes, because it was the first time she lived alone (sans roommates), since she had bad stress-coping habits (had NO stress-coping habits, stress was ubiquitous), and she was constantly scared of failure. on the other hand, she got nothing but positive feedback. her advisor was great, though a bit daunting at first (she is well known, and dandlioneyes had stage-fright as well as being starstruck), and ultimately, she got through what was probably the hardest year in one piece, well, feeling like she had learned stuff. though the flavor of the discipline was very different out east: it was theoretical, the actual "subject" of research was less important as was the way one wrote about it. jargon entered into the life of our little dandlioneyes, and she mastered it and enjoyed using it. at the end of the first year she got her MA (no thesis needed, just the passing of the qualifying exam and a succesfully completed research paper), and that was the end of the wide-eyed and bushy-tailed year.
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we interupt this program because said dandlioneyes has now spent 20 minutes writing this. she needs to get her ass in gear and go to the archives.
part 2 will be posted later today. i think it is called: "part 2: the advisor announces her departure, the program (aka comedy of errors) downsizes, and the ensuing tailspin"
same bat-time, same bat-channel. HOLY RUSTY METAL BATMAN!
dandlioneyes at 10:17 am