06 May 2004
rant
[previous entry]
[interlude. a personal venting session typed while taking notes in the archives. to be posted when i get home. RANT RANT RANT!]
there are few people who can get my temper so up, bring me to a boiling point (translation: make me feel like crap), as one of the professors in filthadelphia, who, unfortunately, i have to work with. the man is insensitive, the man makes everyone feel like crap, as if they have no self-worth, he knows better, he is patronizing, and all that jazz. i had an email from him and i did not like it. at.all.one.single.bit. UGH! and i shouldn�t let it bother me, but i do.
he presumed to tell me that my audience included people in, where was it, mauritania and tibet and zimbabwe? that it is not, as i claim, for US audiences? who the fuck do you think you are??? my work, my idea, you know nothing about them, i never get feedback, GAG ME WITH A SPOON ALREADY! i think it is primarily HOW he says it, that pisses me off, not with an ounce of kindness, a presumptive condescending quality. UGH IT MAKES ME MUSCLES GET ALL TENSED UP.
i mena the man can NEVER, EVER, EVER give a compliment without bashing several other things down. for example - i once wrote a paper for a seminar of his, which in the meanwhile has wone 2 prizes, was published, and is now being re-issues in a collected, edited volume. he hated it, and didn�t think it was worth anything. the comments all over the paper were awful and just painful to see. anyways.
contrast that with my advisor here, who got a copy of the same report i sent back to philly, who said that it looked great and that i should feel like a queen-bee, i know more than them about this, etc. etc. nothing but a moral boost. or a previous email where she said that i needed to have confidence in myself and not have any worries, and that i needed to promise her that.
i don�t expect praises galore, i just don�t mind hearing the positive every now and then, if i just hear how badly i am doing - uhm, any wonders i have toyed with quitting so many times?
we can�t all be you, ____!
bastard. dagnammit, the guy from philly has my temper all tangled up.
dandlioneyes at 1:31 pm