17 November 2004
i'm a little teapot, and i have so much to write about
you know, i've had a lot to write about recently, and just no energy. and now, when i have a bit more energy (a bit, not a lot), i don't feel like pouring my gut out.
i could have written all about what it was like being alone for three days, and the fact that i'm not used to being alone. and the fact that i've repressed the years and years of "commuting" that my sweetie and i did.
i could have written about my fantastic dinner with a good friend of mine last night. despite the 2 hours i sat in traffic, i got there and we just talked and laughed and talked and laughed. it was really amazing. i was able to complain and whine all about my job anxieties, the "what happens afterwards" (where afterwards is post phd), about how i don't think i can stay in academia. all that stuff. and she listened. and she understood. and she understands that sometimes i toy with the idea of just volunteering and being a good mom and having my sweetie work. i toy with that - i don't think i'd like that realized, but still. and she just understood. and i listened to her stories about the guy she has liked for years and how it is developing. it doesn't help that he is living in germany, but he sounds great and they sound made for each other. not to recommend a long distance relationship, but it is doable and worth it.
i could have written, or could write about now, my big breakdown this evening. big breakdown about fears. etc.etc.etc.etc. i haven't hyperventilated that much in a while. but it was controlled after i talked to my sweetie, my dad, and a colleague of mine, a total of 2.5 hours of talking and sobbing.
or the crocus bulbs i planted - or did i already mention that?
i'm going to get some organizational things done now and then call it a night. i'm okay right now. sometimes crying is a good release of tension. tea-kettle analogy: you just have to let the steam out every once in a while...
dandlioneyes at 9:02 pm